Author Alan Holman's Microcosm

A Note On My Invisible Disabilities

In 2011, I was diagnosed with a couple of invisible disabilities. As the years passed, I have come to understand my invisibile disabilities. I don't want to disclose the "labels" here, as I believe that they are not fully accurate. What I understand is that certain types of stress can trigger my mind to put me through illusory situations that are terrifying; I have been hospitalized five of the times it happenned. Those particular types of stress can actually be found in a lot of low-paying jobs; for example, tedious repetition of tasks while barely learning anything new can trigger the particular type of stress. I have found a mix of activities, including certain volunteer positions with an internet radio station, which do not cause the particular type of stress. Typically, creative work and work that keeps me on top of certain types of news regarding current events, does not cause the particular type of stress. And I know that there are a lot of high paying jobs out there which don't cause the particular type of stress, but I don't know how to get those particular jobs. My life has turned into a routine of certain tasks that keep me busy, which do not cause the types of stress which triggers my mind to put me through terrifying illusory situations. I am on a prescription drug for it, but I think that I have developed routines and habits which can prevent "episodes" even without the prescription drug ... and I would love to convince my psychiatrist of that. But regardless, I have told people why I have a barrier between myself and working most conventional jobs, and it's too common for some of those same people to come back to me later and said things like, "Get a job, loser." Because my Doctor understands my condition, and because the government of Saskatchewan recognizes it, I am on a government funded income program which gives me money that I use for providing myself with the necesscities; that program is in dire need of a boost, though, and I don't mean that selfishly -- I put a lot of thought into my budget, and there are still a lot of basic things that I cannot afford to do ... others who are on the same program who don't put as much thought into their budget can do even less. The program needs a boost. As even I look down on the concept of being a drain on society by taking government money, I keep myself useful to society with the volunteer positions for an internet radio station, and with the lessons that are in the writings I do, and with the presentations that I do on YouTube, etc, and with the various other tasks with which I keep myself busy, such as distributing the FREE book I wrote about a cure for a particular health problem that affects many people.